


Love Square, Rebooted

by ItsNotYouItsMimi



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Bee!Chloe, Crack-ish, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Poly Relationships, crackfic, demi-crack, fox!alya - Freeform, ish, not really but i can dream, volpina - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 04:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsNotYouItsMimi/pseuds/ItsNotYouItsMimi
Summary: Instead of two people in four different relationships, it's three people all trying to hook up with Ladybug. It's a mess.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so um just so u know there are some inappropriate jokes so if that makes u uncomfortable please skip this fic!
> 
> there is mild violence but like,,,, really mild so it's probably mostly fine but just so you know!! just in case
> 
> also some mildly bad language
> 
> enjoy in celebration of the new spoilers (im so happy omg)

Defeating Akumas had been hard before, but now it was downright impossible.

Ladybug had been moderately tolerant of Chat and his incessant puns and flirting. He balanced her out nicely; she always listened to him in the rare event he had a good idea. She wouldn't be able to do the job without him.

But ever since Volpina and Queen Bee had joined their ranks, their easy balance had devolved rapidly.

It was nice to have extra paws and limbs on deck. In theory, that would make the work go faster. But in practice, this wasn't the case because no one would quit flirting with her. 

According to Volpina, she was not the same Volpina as the Akumatized one. She did look different, her eyes were a different color, and her hair wasn't bound back. She also didn't have bangs and she had a cute mole above her left eye. Regardless of her appearance, however, she seemed to be the epitome of a Ladybug fangirl. Instead of figuring out her powers and trying to work as a team with Ladybug and Chat, she spent time watching Ladybug in fascination and repeating over and over, starry-eyed, "I'm on a team with Ladybug!"

If she was bad, she was nothing compared to Queen Bee. According to the Miraculous holder herself, she was "the ultimate Ladybug fan." She had a Ladybug cosplay suit, she had met Ladybug many times already as a civilian, supposedly, and she was--

"I don't care how much you love me," Ladybug said tiredly, having heard this speech many times. "We have to beat this Akuma, right now, or she's going to sneak up on us and karate-chop us all in half."

"Did you know that I've actually been mistaken for Ladybug? Of course, I played it off, for both our sakes. Your identity is safe with me, Ladybug."

"You don't even know my identity."

"Forget her," Volpina scoffed, "I run a famous website dedicated to Ladybug. All of Paris knows it. I'm nearly as famous as Ladybug because of how much I love her."

"If you really did love her so much, you wouldn't capitalize off of her fame!"

"You're one to talk! Your hair is blonde! How could anyone mistake you for Ladybug?!"

"You'd be surprised," Queen Bee sniffed.

"Can you get them to shut up and focus on the task at hand?" Ladybug muttered to Chat.

He wasn't listening. He'd been scowling as the other two girls were bickering.

"Hey, you two, back off of Ladybug," he growled.

Ladybug sighed in relief. At least Chat was on her side-

"She's mine, if anyone's, and I knew her first. I'm her best friend. We've been through everything together! You guys barely know her! I'm the biggest Ladybug fan!"

The other two girls stared in shocked silence, then started screaming at him and at each other with unbridled rage. 

"Ladybug saved me over and over again because she loves me so much!"

"Ladybug is all I talk about and my only hobby!"

"I have a five foot Ladybug body pillow that I cuddle with at night!"

"You three, shut up!" Ladybug snapped. "If we're going to beat this Akuma, we're going to do it together!"

They ignored her completely and continued arguing. 

"HEY!" she screamed. "If you really are my biggest fans, then shut up and listen to me!"

They reluctantly quieted down, and Queen Bee sauntered over to Ladybug.

"I'm so sorry we were out of line," she purred, putting an arm around Ladybug's shoulder and twirling Ladybug's red ribbons around her finger. "I just am so very passionate about you..."

She batted her long eyelashes.

Volpina slid under her and shoved her out of the way. "Yeah, yeah, who cares about her. It's me you should be paying attention to, I'm an excellent girlfriend..."

"The way you phrased that makes it seem like you already are dating someone."

"Shh," she whispered seductively. "He's not important."

Chat snarled, and yanked Volpina off of Ladybug, pulling Ladybug in for a passionate kiss.

Ladybug barely protested, but she squirmed the entire time. When Chat finally let her go, she stomped on his foot.

"Kitty, this is no time for romance!" she scolded.

"I don't care," he replied as he held the offended foot, wearing a shit-eating grin, "it was worth it."

"Move aside, you dumb cat, I bet you a million dollars I'm a better kisser than you!" Volpina yelled.

"Hold up! No one else is kissing me!" Ladybug protested, but to no avail. Her teammates were already catfighting again.

"I'm a city-renowned cosplayer!" 

"I've filmed nearly every Akuma she's fought!"

"Yeah? Well, I jack off to pictures of Ladybug every nigh-"

"That's QUITE enough!" Ladybug screamed, covering Chat's mouth. 

"Don't we all, Chat Noir!" Queen Bee retorted.

"I do not need to hear about your masturbation habits! This is an especially tricky Akuma, and if you guys don't pull it together-"

"Prepare to be chopped, losers!" an unfamiliar voice howled, and the aforementioned Akuma sliced through the air and punted Volpina across the street. She skidded painfully against the wall of a coffee shop and groaned.

"Volpina!" Ladybug cried, but her new cohort seemed to be out for the fight.

"I'm sorry... Ladybug," she rasped, and fell silent.

"You're next, kitty cat!" the Akuma boasted, and cracked her knuckles.

"No, I'm not!" he grinned, and darted quickly to the side as the Akuma tried to kick him.

"You see, if that were me-" Queen Bee began, but was abruptly stopped by a well-placed uppercut. She collapsed to the ground without hesitation.

"Guess it's just you and me, My Lady!"  
Chat called from the roof he had scaled.

"I guess so," she agreed reluctantly, casually flinging her yo-yo out.

"AAUGH!"

Ladybug looked over. "Oh, what do you know. The Akuma is beaten."

"My solar plexus," the Akuma whimpered, curled up into fetal position.

"Can I have your nationals medal?" Ladybug pulled it off her neck and snapped it in half. "Thanks."

"I worked hard for that," the Akuma sobbed.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. Miraculous Ladybug!"

As the burst of magic restored the medal instantaneously, it also seemed to revive Queen Bee and Volpina.

"That was quicker than anticipated," Queen Bee noted.

"If you guys hadn't been flirting with me the whole time, it would have been even quicker," Ladybug shot back saltily.

"I'm sorry," Volpina murmured. "I just couldn't help myself..."

She kissed Ladybug's cheek, leaving a vivid orange lipstick stain.

"Back off, Volpinhoe," Queen Bee snapped.

"That doesn't even work!"

"You don't even work!"

"Neither of you work!" Chat Noir called scathingly from the roof.

"You don't work either!" Ladybug pointed out.

Quiet.

"Maybe so, My Lady!"

"Ha! You don't contribute at all! I'm a superior asset to this team!

"That doesn't make sense, and no, you're not!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Ladybug sighed, facepalming. This trio would be impossible to manage.


End file.
